Taking into account yesterdays post I have been thinking up alternative ways... I know everyone loves Idea 4 but what kept plaguing my mind is Mike is acting the role of a Boss meaning he would no longer be acting as a security guard which would cause him to not be the character on the excerpt I received.
As much as it pains me I am again inclined to move away from this idea due to the latter & the fact that in the story of idea 4 the factory isn't a domineering aspect. It could once again be considered as any kind of building.
With all of the above being said I have thought up an alternative which I think will fall into the scope of everything. I also believe this will be better received as a storyboard.
The idea is as follows:
Character: Bodyguard - Security Guard - Obstacle
Environment: Factory - Containing Money - Macguffin
Prop: Catapult - "Plan B" - Plot Device
Premise
An example of desperation in trying times when logic & crazy blur together ultimately resulting in a crash course to reality.
Log Line
Ex-machine operator Alastair wants retribution for getting fired from his job, he teams up with Damon - a psychotic passing acquaintance. They decide to stage a burglary at their former employ - the local "Controtech" computer manufacturing plant. A feat greatly underestimated...
Synopsis
Ex-machine operator Alastair & ex-floor manager Damon lose their jobs at the “Controtech” factory on the same day. The two acquaintances hatch a plan to break into their former employ to steal the owner’s stash from the wall safe in his office. A week later the pair return in the early hours with a two part plan entitled: “The Long Shot Plan A & Plan B”. While trying to action “plan A” the two are interrupted by a security guard causing the two to split up. Damon actions “plan B” to his own demise, Alastair escapes.
This idea feels much more alive to me and I can imagine the storyboards to be very concise at telling the story. I have drafted up my 3 act structure which I will post next. It was a hard decision to decide to move on from my original ideas but I wasn't being realistic.
None of them utilised the components of my 3 excerpts I was just trying to tell a story with none of the ingredients provided, just to avoid the comedy genre.
Lesson learnt - sometimes the simplest idea is the best.
Anyway thanks everyone for commenting before, I guess sometimes you just have to go with what feels right.
Over & Out,
xXStItChXx
Okay - but what contribution does the second character make really? (Not the body - ahem - I mean security guard, the other ex-factory worker...). It would be much leaner, if its 'character against character' - with act 1 setting up the expulsion of the factory worker, and then act 2 being the cat and mouse routine between him and security guard - but I don't think you have an act 3 yet - there's no pay-off - no gag, or stinging irony, or twist in the tale; so things I like are:
ReplyDeleteThe idea of the factory worker being expelled; but he could be fired by the big CEO, against which the factory worker decides to take his revenge - but his BODY guard stands between the factory worker and his quarry. The story could chronicle the factory workers increasingly elaborate attempts to get into the CEO's office on the top floor - which might end up with him firing himself from a giant catapult. I think if you were to look at the Road Runner cartoons for inspiration, you'd get a good feel for how a narrative like this might work...
I'd suggest your story is even simpler than you think...